The cheapest weapon!

Acrobatics. Malaysia Boleh!

Don’t strain. Eat vegetables!

Note for defecation!

Gravity test!

Big shit. No Chief!

Muscle strength!

The butler!

Eat fruits!

Dexterity test!

Don’t overuse your gym!

Selepas fatwa pengharaman yoga, fatwa-fatwa yang akan datang adalah seperti berikut :

Disember 2008
Orang Islam dilarang mandi di kolam renang awam. Di kolam renang awam, akan terdapat orang-orang yang bukan Islam yang memakai pakaian renang yang singkat dan mendedahkan aurat (terutamanya amoi-amoi china yang cun dan seksi). Ini boleh menjejaskan akidah orang Islam. Cara yang paling baik ialah kita haramkan orang Islam dari kolam renang awam.

Januari 2009
Orang Islam dilarang pergi ke Pulau Pinang. Ketua Menteri Pulau Pinang adalah seorang yang bukan Islam and majoriti penduduk Pulau Pinang adalah orang yang bukan Islam. Apabila seorang Islam berada di Pulau Pinang , beliau mungkin terhidu bau char keoy tiaw yang dimasak oleh orang bukan Islam dan ini boleh merosakkan akidah kita. Cara yang paling baik ialah kita haramkan orang Islam dari pergi ke Pulau Pinang. Orang Islam yang kini tinggal di Pulau Pinang akan diberi elaun pindah sebanyak RM 3000 untuk membantu mereka berpindah ke negeri-negeri yang lain. Perpindahan ke negeri Kelantan dan Terengganu amat amat digalakkan.

Februari 2009
Orang Islam dilarang meminum root beer. Walaupun root beer tidak mengandungi alkohol, namun perkataan “beer” ini boleh menimbulkan keghairan dan kelakuan tidak senonoh di kalangan orang Islam. Dengan pengharaman root beer, orang Islam bolehlah meminum minuman ringan yang lain tanpa was-was. Ginger beer juga diharamkan.

March 2009
Orang Islam dilarang memakan di kedai Mamak. Walaupun mamak kebanyakkannya Islam, tetapi asal usul mereka adalah India dan ada kemungkinan terdapat unsur-unsur India di dalam perniagaan mereka seperti bercakap Tamil dan memakai seluar dalam buatan India . Untuk mengelakkan sebarang syak wasangka, mulai 1 Mac 2009, orang Islam dilarang dari memakan di kedai mamak (kecuali Tun Mahatir kerana dia sendiri mamak kelas I)

April 2009
Orang Islam dilarang bermain ping pong atau table tennis. Ping pong berasal dari negeri China dan oleh yang demikian, mungkin terdapat unsur-unsur agama Buddha atau Confuciusism di dalam permainan ping pong. Ornag Islam yang terlalu banyak bermain ping pong akan terjejas akidah mereka. Sebagai permainan alternatif, orang Islam digalakkan bermain sepak raga (tetapi bola raga mesti buatan Malaysia , bukan dari Thailand ).

Mei 2009
Orang Islam yang berkerja dengan kerajaan dilarang mengambil gaji masing-masing. Ini kerana sebahagian besar pendapatan kerajaan adalah cukai pendapatan yang dibayar oleh syarikat-syarikat orang bukan Islam. Orang Islam digalakkan meminta sedekah dari orang Islam yang lain. Untuk memudahkan permintaan sedekah, bakal peminta sedekah digalakkan mencangkung di hadapan bangunan UMNO.

Jun 2009
Orang Islam dilarang keluar negara. Terdapat terlalu banyak godaan yang boleh meruntuhkan akhlak dan akidah orang Islam. Perkara ini telahpun dikaji dengan teliti hasil lawatan sambil belajar ke Bangkok oleh Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan baru-baru ini. Oleh yang demikian, orang orang Islam diminta menyerahkan balik paspot masing-masing ke jabatan immigresen secepat mungkin. Perjalanan keluar negara hanya dibenarkan untuk menteri-menteri dan orang kuat UMNO sahaja, itupun hanya jika diiringi oleh ahli Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan.

Julai 2009
Orang Islam dilarang berfikir di waktu siang. Kebanyakkan masalah jenayah dan maksiat wujud kerana orang-orang yang tak ada kerja berfikir yang bukan-bukan. Untuk membenteras maslah jeneyah dan maksiat, orang-orang Islam mulai 1 Julai 2009, dilarang dari menggunakan otak mereka diwaktu siang. Pemikiran mereka akan dipantau oleh Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan dengan menggunakan sekumpulan specially trained monkeys. Orang Islam boleh menggunakan otak mereka di waktu malam tetapi pemikiran dihadkan kepada perkara-perkara berkaitan dengan makan dan minum sahaja.

Please do not laugh. Many of the above will become a reality if we do not do anything. The rational-thinking muslims in this country are simply not doing anything. We let a very small minority of narrow-minded idiots to control our lives. We, especially the Malay muslims, are fast becoming a laughing stock worldwide. We are obsessed with the little little things.

When there are so many important things remain to be done, why must the Fatwa folks spend their time on little things.. tomboys, yoga, etc, etc. Why don’t we ever hear anything from the Fatwa folks for social justice, eradicating corruption and poverty, protecting single mothers, helping the poors, educating the ummah, protecting the environment or ensuring fairness in society.

If you are a rationale, forward thinking muslim, please speak up. If you choose to remain silent, it only means that you agree with whatever is happening. And do not blame the non-muslims for all our troubles. We are asking for it.

Always be alert and for the ladies your handbag.

ALWAYS WALK ON THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE ROAD………BE VERY CAREFULL GIRLS….THIS IS WHAT HAPPEN WHEN SOME STUPID ASSHOLES FROM GOVERMENT START TO FUND ALL THIS USELESS GARBAGE MAT REMPITS WITH TAX PAYERS MONEY.You guys will be surprized if i say they even FUND this bastard mat rempits to Oversea trip(fully paid) the brilliant idea was from our HISHAMUDIN…to change the rempits into a better citizen it seems…..

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!’

Father: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.’

Son: ‘Well, in that case…ok’

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’

Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’

Father: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’

Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’

President: ‘But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!’

Father: ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.’

President: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be POSITIVE…

What is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, ‘I am very rich. Marry me!’
That’s Direct Marketing

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, ‘He’s very rich. Marry him.’
That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, ‘Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.’
That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,
‘By the way, I’m very rich ‘Will you marry me?’
That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, ‘You are very rich, I want to marry you.’
That’s Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, ‘I’m rich. Marry me’
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That’s Customer Feedback.

1. To find proof and evidence that show the Malays were the origins of Malaysia and they were the first race and religion that landed their feet  in Malaysia .

2. To further strengthen their claims, first they need to find the graveyard of the Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekiu and etc.. to show  the existence of their pioneers.

3. The Batu bersurat in Terengganu, reveals that the islamic religion has landed in Malaysia for more than a hundred years ago which further
strengthen their claims!

BEWARE & OPEN YOUR EYES!!!  Go and ask your brother, sister, niece, nephew etc. Since the year 1999 (if i’m not mistaken) or year 2000,  do they study about HANG TUAH anymore ???

Why is that popular subject GONE ???  Missing in action ??? or evidence reveals something else that caused the government to stop the syllabus and HIDE the TRUTH ??? Here are the Evidences of the findings by the team of scientists, archaeologist, historian and other technical staff from the United States , United Kingdom , Germany , Canada , Yemen & Russia.

The evidence are:

1) They finally found the graveyard of Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat etc…, their skeleton had been analized and samples of DNA taken with the results show:  Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekiu and mates were NOT MALAY!!!

They were CHINESE (islamic) from China !!! Why were they here in Malacca??? If go back in history, you would know that they were on a mission to protect the UNGRATEFUL MALAY Sultanate from the frequent attacks by the Kingdom of  SIAM ( Thailand ) !!!

So Hang Tuah was not Malay hero!!!  They were the protectors of the  useless and ungrateful Parameswara (who was from INDONESIA ) landed in Malacca and claimed that the land belonged to him!!! The Hang Tuah bunch of people were all from China , they were being assigned to Malacca Sultanate because Parameswara requested the Ming Dynasty Emporer for protection!!!

Hence, the rich historical heritage of the Babas & Nyonya being closely linked to the Seven Voyages to the Western Ocean by Admiral Zheng He who incidentally was a Chinese Muslim himself!

That’s why the Hang Tuah series of history is MISSING from the Malaysian SEJARAH today! !!

Note :  Remember Princess Hang Li Poh ?  – All surname ‘HANG’ Second Evidence: The researchers hired by the government found the oldest tomb stones (graveyard) in Kelantan in year 2000. Suprisingly the tomb stones were  at least 900 years old !!!

Older than the so-called batu bersurat. And the best thing was that they all belonged to the CHINESE !!!

Being landed first in Malacca doesn’t mean Malay is the first in  Malaysia because during that time, the road was too long or undeveloped for them to reach or see the other side of the coast where the Chinese had landed much earlier.  If you want the black and white hard evidence of what the truth of the Research reveals, please write to The Federal Association of Archaeology & Research of Michigan,  USA .

This is a good reason to remind the UMNO Bumiputras NOT to ask the Chinese or Indians to go back to their Motherlands because the evidence had shown that Malays were NOT the original people of Malaysia !  The Truth Revealed (with evidence) and anthropologists have yet to ascertain if there was indeed a Malay race!

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,‘ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,‘ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading‘

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.‘

‘For reading a book,’ she replies.

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,‘ he informs her again.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading‘

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.‘

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,‘ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,‘ says the game warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.‘

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think. Send this to four women who are thinkers. If you receive this, you know you’re intelligent.

1. M&M
2. Snickers
3. Mento’s Yoghurt Bottle
4. Dove Chocolate
5. Oreo Wafer Sticks
6. Dutchlady Sterilised Milk
7. Wall’s all natural mango
8. Mini Poppers Ice Cream
9. Magnum Ice Cream
10. Moo Sandwich Ice Cream
11. Mini Cornetto
12. Youcan Ice Cream

Stores have been asked by AVA Singapore to remove them.  If u have any of these items at home, don’t eat them.

Correction ( confirm true ) Ahmad’s Shell petrol station is at Island Glades infront of GEMBIRA Parade. Not beside McD!!!

Use his toilet, water & Air pump but don’t buy petrol!!!!

Pass the msg across

Ahmad Ismail

100% Malaysia Nasi Kandar Association has openly supported Ahmad Ismail’s remark ‘Chinese Are Pendatang’

Please SHARE this news IMMEDIATELY .

STOP VISITING/EATING AT NASI KANDAR RESTAURANTS   ESP. ‘SUBAIDAH’ & ‘KAYU’ AND SHOW THEM OUR MIGHT AND LET

THEM CLOSE SHOP         .

Giving Up Wine

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’

‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told me.

‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.

‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ I asked.

‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’

‘Well, I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight..’

The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

I said, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’

I just know you’re laughing!

You’re gonna send it on – aren’t you?